| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2018|10:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | inde$troy- saw throat. | ] |
Feel like making a enemy friend?
Comment !
Welcome to the random rants of one angry & confused genderfucking piss ant affectionately known as bernard? Most of the posts will be publicly boring. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|03:38 pm] |
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Due to the increasing usage of female pronouns in reference to me by my co-workers, I came out at Mother Fool's as trans. & now we're going to have a staff meeting about PGPs and being respectful to various gender identities. I'm excited but a little intimidated, knowing that I'm going to be looked upon to answer questions about a broad spectrum of identities that I'm too clear on myself. I hope everyone will understand that i aint no expert, I'm just a little girl who liked other little girls & grew up to be a boy that likes fucking other boys in dresses. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|11:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | full o' dumpstered bagels | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ukele and so can i, lost sounds tapes compilation<3 | ] |
I got a job here.
Best vegan cupcakes ever... which is how i got the job, I think. I got so pumped in the middle of the interview that I actually squealed "BEST CUPCAKES EVERRR" accompanied by spirit fingers.
Oh yea. Classy!
Then I purchased a used vest and jacket (courtesy of Chancho's employee discount) to look fly and fresh and impress all the self-identified laydeez at my new job. But I'll probably be so busy stuffing my face with aforementioned cupcakes that I won't notice.
 This is my style icon, 1930s paper boy. I got the boots, the dirty pants & crusty socks, the vest, the blazer, the hat, now i just need to finish slanted angle #2 and hawk that shit on the street corner.
<3b-radz<3 |
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| Get a Job You Lazy Hobo. |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|10:21 pm] |
I am here listening to Chancho playing mandolin, my belly is full of home made curry, vegan hot chocolate, and whiskey. 18.2 inches of snow & I'm shakin in my little Southern boots. After all the excitement of moving to Madison died down, I started to feel very anxious and lonesome, confused about why i had moved to a city of strangers and upset when i wouldnt get the exact responses i was looking for.
but i've been slowly coming to the realization that i'm been waging battle in solitude for a long fucking time and the only way I'm going to learn to be ok is to hoist my weapon ive sharpened myself with muscles i've intentionally made strong.
So, I've been riding my shoddy-brakes bike up icy tall hills as much as possible, feeling no shame when i have to stop at the op and catch my breath.
... and then i worked on my brakes.
Loch will be coming to visit soon, as will maybe the cutbank kid, which will keep me in good spirits. Arice + Derek may come through once the snow starts to melt. I'll be back on the tracks when the flowers bloom. Until then, though, I'll be huddled in my little ice fort, writing letter after letter after letter.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|03:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Endless Bummer | ] |
Hi folks & friends<3
I recently moved from South Carolina to Wisconsin (& fuck yea- today I learned what the word "blizzard" means) & have been volunteering at a LGBTIQQ resource center called OutReach. I'm including a link to their web site for those of you who are curious about all the services that OutReach provides, but my main focus is their queer lending library.
I'm a major book nerd, & did a happy little jig & filled my arms with volumes the first time I visited the library. Living down the street from OutReach, I became a frequent visitor & was stoked to be accepted as a volunteer. The only gripe I have about the library (other than the fact that its staffed primarily by self identified white queer males- but hopefully it will soon be a bit more diversified) is that there are absolutely no zines! Zilch! The zinester in me was horrified!!
So here's what's up. I've got the go ahead to start rounding up and organizing a queer zine collection for the library. If you've got zines you want to donate- by yrself or others- you'll be on my best friends list for life. + I'll hook you up with my newest zine, if yr interested.
I'm looking for zines about queer sexuality & identity, gender theory & identity, trans rights & radicalism, queer health issues, queer poetry & perzines, LGBTIQQ politics & activism, zines about smashing gender binaries, zines about former-country-dykes-now-city-fags, etc, etc! Especially look for zines regarding genderqueer/neutral & transitioning issues.
Anyone who wants to start some dialogue on this or needs more info, contact me at trollgirlcentral@gmail.com
Also, things can be mailed to
bernard?
907 Williamson St. #1
Madison, WI
53703
USA
Just toss in a note letting me know this is a donation for the library.
Thanks so much<3
-bernard?
https://www.lgbtoutreach.org/RED/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|11:42 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | black triangles | ] |
Tonight I'm going to an Amanda Fuckin Palmer show & will stand around and force idle chit chat with them while my masseuse friend gives them a rub down. & my stomach always hurts. & kevin is coming down this weekend, 16 hours from wisconsin just to ride bikes in florence. oh & to give me a ride back to madison.
Maxx is starting up a zine distro (probably SC's first!) that I'll be helping out with... more updates on that & the new zine as things prgress.
Also, "Gender Neutral at the Gyno" soon. =\ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Smog- the doctor came at dawn. | ] |
I've been too worried all week about the possibilities of all that could go wrong in Madison that I forgot to be excited. Then I remembered that once again I'll be in communal housing, surrounded by rad stinnky friends to cook vegan dinners & go dumpster diving with. It wont just be me trying to hold down the fort in a tiny tiny town, trying not to lose my mind. I'l have more to look forward to each day then walking out to the mail box.
Plus I'll have an amazing person to cuddle with, and a play to play with, and lots of people to meet & become friends with.
And I can make snow people! I havent been able to do that since I was 6!
Anyway, new mini-zine out in the next week. <3 |
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| Today, I |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | matty popchart | ] |
...quit my job.
Fuck South Carolina!!
...just sayin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|11:54 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | herman dune & mtn. goats | ] |
I've been listening tothis song alot. This one too.
This herman dune person is the best dancer in the entire world. Just sayin.
Also, this person is coming to stay in my shed soon!
Just for a week though, and they're not bringing the ol hound. :[
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| FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|09:39 pm] |
 Rare video footage of bernard? spaghetti squash
giving their sister a
MOHAWK.This long-forgotten video footage captures the elusive bernard? creature folically torturing the helpless sibling for approximately an hour. Collector's Edition, suitable for internet sadists & #1 creepsters.
Almost completely drowned out by the Dresden Dolls soundtrack, these two brave & demented souls discuss their lives as queer people in a small southern town, stolen scissors, and "salmon coloured nipples." Highlights include:
B?: [mumble mumble] & you're going to move, and I'm going to STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING TEMPLE ::theatrical accompaniment includes bernard? swinging the scissors dangerously close to lauren's head for emphasis::
L: Most of the lesbian erotica I've read has been pretty much the same.
B?: Oh no...in the hot tub at the Wiccan spa resort AGAIN??
Also featuring bernard? making the sassy face AT LEAST 23 times.
Supplies are limited! Reserve yr copy today!
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|05:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the sissies. | ] |
"It was an act of providence and a valiant effort and I appreciate it, but it didnt fuckin' work."
Ok, so I just got home from Wisconsin to a huge stack of mail & I'm doing my best to work my way through it. Thank you all so much for sending me love although I wasn't around to get it.
I owe some people zines but I'm not sure exactly WHO (save a few) so if you;re expecting something from me and havent gotten it, send me an email & I'll deliver it to your house personally.
After 2 weeks of cold wet weather & bikes that were too small, along with 2 days of no sleep capped off with a plane ride, I'm happy to be home. I had fun and I already miss the fuuck out of my friends in the midwest, but it was time to come back and nag my family. & write letters. Which is all I've been doing for two days! that & making mix tapes for pen pals i hope to one day meet...
<3bernard? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|02:10 pm] |
I love Frankie Rampage: "This comic made me think of you!"
Woke up this morning to sticky sick subtropical southern summer, october, bordering on my second month being back in town, and gurgling oozy stomach & achy back which no amount of tea in the world can alleviate. Woke up to "bring gloves to Madison, its 40 degrees" & "Obama got a nobel PEACE prize" (while Tookie couldnt even keep from being killed). Woke up to fuck work, I will ride my bike all day though i dont have the right tools to fix the pedal creek.
Woke up to anxiety, excitement, ginger beer, sadness, my sister sobbing, and a guilt trip.
( And Carolina Shame! )
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|12:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | plae robbin. | ] |
It's raining & feeling some what more close to fall here in South Carolina, finally.
I rode my bike around town last night, past the house in which I grew up, and over to the places where he wrote our names.
I scratched out mine at the hop-out spot, but left the "BT + B? 4L" inside the old train in front of the muesem, so that I could imagine it to be scribbled by some 11 kids while their parents weren't looking. It's what we felt like anyway.
I'm leaving for Madison in 6 days! This whole concept of "vacation" is so weird to me. i've never ha to "plan" a trip, I was always kind of on one.
cuddling in the tent/riding bikes/vegan carrot cupcakes for my birthday/ going on walks with zeus/playing chess with chancho/ gotham bagels/ chain smoking with claire/ drinking kombucha at the faux-op/queer library & the infoshop/ feminist movie night & muffin club/ I cant wait! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|11:21 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | le tigre stuck in my head. | ] |
My kombucha mother has maggots. They're kind of cute. There were too many to pick out, so I threw it away...
I didn't have the right size rubberband to hold the coffee filter on the jar i was brewing it in, but figured it would be ok for one day... God-yam fruit flies!
Time to grow another one, i guess.
I may be taking a trip to madison in 2 weeks to see Chancho, Kevin, Zeus, Tops, & Claire...
<3
+ I have an absessed tooth. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2009|11:44 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | whiskey smile! | ] |
I keep deciding that I will leave Florence to go ride bikes & eat bagels & wait out the winter in Kev's tent, & then feel guilty sbout leaving my family in the lurch. And then there's the justification of cold weather, and how its non-existant in South Carolina so I can keep warm and dry here until spring, but I know its bullshit. I know I can put on thermals and extra layers and cuddle and be ok. I'm at a place where I don't want to have to make up my mind or be held accountable, and that's crap and so counter-productive.
Sobriety is helping things become a little bit more clear (but oh so much more complicated. But i knew if i didnt strive for sobriety during my stay in florence, i would just get shit face wasted every night and cry myself to sleep.)
I got a new bike yesterday.
 It's a little too big for me. Just barely. Enough to ride it and still feel a little scared. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2009|12:36 pm] |
 You know, some days, I really like this job. All My Best Work I Do At A Slanted Angle#1 -50 pages, trade or 3bucks. There are some of you that don't need to worry about trades- i owe ya one<3 email: trollgilcentral@gmail.com |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|11:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | daniel johnston. | ] |
I fucking love this dog. I'm also quite fond of the person behind it.
Spent a few hours after work baking them
vegan doggie & human treats.
<3
Life in Florence is still plodding along, I feel like I've got to kick start some weird catalyst inside myself to get anything going in this town. There's a person here named Kevin Wycoff (also known as Slug's Revenge) who inspires me totally- they fell in love with a person here, and has settled down to be with them & their child... though Kevin hasn't been here long, they've already got a gig teaching guitar at the adult education center & will soon be giving workshops at the public library about anarchism in today's society. IN FLORENCE, SC, population 132,800. Whoa!
This time around I'm trying to seek out and utilize resources I didn't realize I had before. Like hanging out with RD's Grandpa David, who is... basically who I want to be. I want to be him so bad! It all started off from randomly mentioning to RD how much I love pickled beets. He then told me I absolutely had to go visit him grandfather with him. So, not only did Grampa David have cabinets full off his various pickling & fermentation projects (including wine made with grapes grown in his backyard) he also had three different types of gardens, a green house, chickens, honey bees, and workshop full of all sorts of amazing tools. And he builds banjos! At 82! I always underestimate both older & younger folks... He says I can go by his shop any time to build screens for printing, & I'm going to take him some kimchee & kombucha in exchange.<3<3<3
Ahahah, All My Best Work I Do At A Slanted Angle will be done TONIGHT!
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| drawing comix & writing love letters to strangers. |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|01:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | iron & rags | ] |
It's such a beautiful day, & I haven't made it outside yet other than to walk from my bedroom/shed to the house in search of coffee. But I will, I promise, I just wanted to eat lunch & post first.
It seems that every time I post something in here, my plans have gone and done a complete 180 from the last time. So, disregard anything I may have said about California, Colorado, Richmond, and the like. No more riding freight solo, with just a mandolin and my sorry over-analytical brain. I had just woken up on Kronstadt House's porch when my phone began to ring. The caller id showed my dad's number, so I answered with a "What's up, Pops?!" and made small talk for a few minutes. Something was obviously wrong; he sounded stuffy and slow, and my first thought was that he had been drinking. (My dad gave up booze about 7 years ago but occasionally founds himself floating around the bottom of a bottle) Later I found out he had been bawling in the middle of a Waffle House, but I didn't know this at the time.
"What can I say to get you to come home?" he asked, referring to my "hometown," which isn't my "home" at all, but that's neither here nor there. He's going through a hard time, he says, and needs some mental support. And someone to help him run the coffee shop. Can I help him??
Ahhh...um, summer plans, you know? But how am I going to flat turn down my father just so I can go harvest fucking sugar beets? Granted, I was looking forward to seeing old friends and making new ones, but this is my family. A year ago, he never would have called, and I wouldn't have agreed. I probably would have shrugged my shoulders, took a sip of beer, and mocked him once we got off the phone. Thankfully, things have changed. He's not so much of a controlling jerk, and I'm less of a selfish asshole. We actually enjoy each other's company now. My dad also tried, in his way, to support me when I was going through a lot of whacked out mental shit...and drove all the way to Texas to get Tim & I when we got beat up by those goddamn scum fuck white supremacist shit bags.
I did what I felt I needed to. For probably the first time in my life, I sacrificed something I really wanted to do for someone else. I bit the bullet and temporarily let go of my self-servicing dreams for someone else's safety & comfort. And I don't feel bad about it, I don't feel like I'm being controlled by my family. I'm not the best person to turn to for support, most definitely, but I'll do what I can. 'Cause, kids, it seems to me that the shit has hit the fan in my dad's life. Somehow,not realizing I signed up for the job, I've become therapist, babysitter, coffee shop manager, and marriage counselor all in one/all at once. |
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